7 Deadly Sins of Sales Email
Quiz Time: Can you match each email below with the corresponding Deadly Sin? Bonus points: Match the Gilligan’s Island character.
1) Dear Matthew,
I’m following up on my previous attempts to reach you. I left you three voicemails yesterday and I’m still on pins and needles for this deal. You said that you’d get back to me yesterday at noon, and I haven’t heard back. I would appreciate if you could tell me what’s going on? My manager is all over me to close this business and the end of the quarter is coming up. I would highly appreciate if you could get back to me by the end of the business day (GMT).
2) Hey Matt,
Last week was so crazy, sorry I didn’t get this proposal to you. I am attaching it here in Word Perfect format. Can you reformat it into the Powerpoint slide template you gave me? Our RFP person is “working from home” (hah!). Next time you come to town, let me know and we can go out. L8r.
3) Dear Matthew,
I’m writing to schedule a followup offsite to review our proposal. Please let me know your availability to discuss a preview/planning meeting call later this week. I will bring with me our event manager, the proposed project manager and a director of marketing. On the call, we’ll go over the purpose of the call, the agenda, the project background, and the possible event agenda/time/date/location. The offsite itself should include sessions on Team Introductions, Company, Division and Project Background, the Established Needs Analysis survey results and the resulting Solution Discovery Process. We’ll want lead representation from each of your major stakeholders so that we can really “Move the Ball” during this time. We usually book five days for this, but in the interest of time I think we can squeeze it down to four. Looking forward to talking later this week!
4) Hi MB!
So good to hang with you last night. What a night! What stays in Vegas, right?!? HAH!! So I was thinking this morning (after 6 cups of Joe – LOL!) that there might be something we could work out to get you a man-cave upgrade and get me the deal I need to make my numbers. I’ve got these sweet (untrackable!) gift cards to Best Buy and Amazon. And you’ve got signing authority! Match made in heaven I say. What say you? Fist Bump!
5) Dear Mr. Bellows,
I’ve got great news for you. After presenting your situation to my manager, I’m happy to report that we can indeed offer our solution to your company. Yes, this is the same service that we provide to General Electric (Janitorial Service Division), CMGI (Accounts Payable), and Fannie Mae (Congressional Relations Group), but I got a special dispensation to also sell it to you. We’re going to have to move the standard pricing I gave you around a bit, because your small size is going to cause a _major_ headache for our deployment team. But there’s so much demand for us, you’re lucky to be getting us at all! Your welcome!
6) Hey Big Roller,
Heard about your promotion. Nice. For You. What’s that, like another $20k in your pocket plus bonus? Meanwhile, I know you’re going to hand me off to some lowbie. How about this my “friend”, let’s finish this off before you take the big step up to the corner office? Think about someone else for a change, man! It’ll do you good.
7) Oh Yes!
I had _such_ a good time with you over coffee. Thank you s0000 much for your time and your kind words about my product. I knew you were a gentleman when you held the door (and those hands!) but when you poured that steamy milk into my cup… Sparkles! Anyway, I’ve been thinking about our deal, our partnership, and how people say forming a business relationship is like a marriage. I’m sure you’ve heard that expression “Getting into bed togethers?” Well, I was voted Most Likely to Succeed!. Let’s do it! For reference, the Seven Deadly Sins are Lust, Gluttony, Greed, Sloth, Wrath, Envy and Pride. You know the Gilligan’s Island characters by heart, don’t you? With any necessary apologies to Dante Alegheri, Evagrius Ponticus, John Cassian, Pope Gregory I, Sherwood Schwartz and others.